People take walks around the park. I figure they don't know where to get in.

What does a professional golfer do when he retires?

She asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I said I wanted to be a retired policeman.

I bought an old truck, and it only turns left and there’s a right on the way to work, so I drove backwards. It was beeping the whole way, when I got to work a police was waiting for me “Why didn’t you pull over when I put on my sirens?” he asked. “I looked in the rearview mirror, but I didn’t see anyone”, I shrugged. “Do you know how fast you were going?” Ya, -60 mph.

I tell my dry humor jokes in the winter, and it stops raining. The weather man called to tell me it’s not funny!

My friend said he started a new business and was looking for a friend to be his first client. "Sure, what do you do?" I’m a grave digger. "Over my dead body." Thank you, he said.

I got COVID and lost my sense of taste. I bought a new coat, and no-one likes it.

We were in the UK, my wife bought a summer coat. I bought a summer scarf.

I waited online to shoplift a coat for $850. It was a gift for a friend and I needed a receipt.

When do you make up your jokes? When I don’t have time for anything else.

What do you do? I tell lines that are un-usually funny. What do you do the rest of the time? You mean, when they aren’t funny...

Where do you live? I’m not different, I like to live wherever I am. You can ask where I’ll die though? Where? I don’t know yet.

If you talk slower than the speed of sound, do the words get stuck in your mouth?

What’s the dream? I prefer a good night’s sleep, thank you.

I took the midnight train going anywhere, but I didn’t know how to get home.

I have a grey parrot, and no one knows it’s mine. It lives in Africa.

My aunt, she married my uncle – he was great, they had 3 cousins. I used to play with one when I was younger, the second cousin wasn’t as closely related so I knew him less until one Sunday, he was sent home from school early – once removed. The 3rd cousin opened a shop when he got older, but we weren’t really playing then anymore, so we just exchanged business cards.

I took time off to catch up. I returned ahead of schedule.

Someone blessed me that my dreams should come true. I couldn’t fall asleep at night; I slept in the day. It felt like a dream, I pinched myself, but it didn’t work. What a nightmare.